The Four Loves

In the original language of the New Testament, there are four words that are translated with the English word “love.” Each word has a different “color” of love. Like sky blue, cobalt blue, and baby blue are all blue, but they are different.

The first kind of love we will call “unconditional love.” It is love given to everyone: strangers, enemies, and the least. It is a love most often attributed to God, who seeks out sinners, rebels, and his enemies, to restore them to his family, and to their original design. It is a love that his family should express.

The second kind of love we can call “friendship love.” The more or less official definition is: love based on common interests and experiences.

There are some people who see God loving his children with this kind of love. They say “God not only loves us, but he also likes us.” We can see a parallel with a physical father, who teaches and disciplines his children, who pushes them toward their potential, but also enjoys playing with his children. I remember playing tag on the school yard “monkey bars” with my son, and wrestling on the living room floor. And when he got older, we played one on one basketball. I have seen grown men having “tea” with their four year old daughters.

This is an important demonstration of love – not unconditionally for an enemy or a stranger – but for a friend or a family member. God delights to have fellowship with his children. Sometimes it entails “heavy,” or important things like Bible study, intercession, and worship. Sometimes, to show us how he accepts us, as we are, where we are, he is willing to sit down and have “tea” … or maybe play video games. My wife feels God is telling her with rainbows, and when she finds coins on the ground, “You’re my buddy. I have good things in store for you.”

The third kind of love we can call “family love.” It is love for people who are extensions of us. We love our grandparents, because they are part of our family. We love uncles, aunts, and cousins. It is not too much of a stretch to see God loving us with this kind of love. We are part of his family, and extension of who he is.

Of course, all of this is so I can ask a question about the fourth kind of love. Most people would call it “romantic love.” And we can certainly see it in a man or woman enamored with their significant other. But a more official definition would be: love of someone, because one is overwhelmed by a particular aspect, or trait, of the one loved. It is easy to see how this is associated with romantic love. One person is taken with the form, and beauty, of the other person. However, the Greeks used this word in reference to the love of God, or the gods. The idea is: one loves God, because one is in awe of his power, majesty, beauty, wisdom, or perfection.

This particular love has gotten almost most exclusively connected in our modern thinking with physical beauty. And a person could be captivated by another person’s beauty. But by definition, one could also be captivated by their intelligence, bravery, or artistic ability.

So, we have seen that God loves us unconditionally, even though we are sinners, rebels, and enemies. We have seen that God can love us as friends, enjoying to be with us, sharing life with us. And we can extrapolate a little, and see how God can love us, because we are part of his family, his body, and his kingdom. So, does the God of the universe, who designed us, and created us, who knows us better than we know ourselves, love us for some aspect of our being, that he built into us, to set us apart from everyone else?

• I really love Bob, because he can see my character in nature, especially the plant kingdom.
• I really love Pam, because she takes old, worn out, and ugly things, and re-creates them into new, useful, and beautiful things … kind of like I do with my children.
• I really love Mary, because her heart is given to children. They feel safe with her. And she brings out the best in them.
• I really love John, because he brings me into the center of things, and people, and helps them understand what I am really like, and how I really feel about them. 

At this point, I can understand the four loves, and I can see how God could express himself in all four ways. To be honest, I don’t have any Scriptural evidence that God does express himself in all four ways. There is definite evidence for some of the ways. And if I find evidence for others, I will most likely write about it here. And I invite you all to put your two cents about any evidence that you may know of.