Identity

Every day, we get bombarded with a ton of messages. Many of them are trying to get us to take a particular action. Many of them are trying to affect how we see ourselves.

TV commercials are a good example. “You should use our product. It works well. It is efficient, and easy to use. Besides, all the cool people use it.” So, if you use that product, you are cool. If you don’t, you are not cool.

I think political parties do the same thing. “We are for this. We promote that. This will be good for people. Because we are doing all this, we are the good guys!” And if you support what they support, you are one of the good guys. And, of course, if you don’t support what they support, you are one of the bad guys.

Identity is the word most people use to “name” how people view, or describe, themselves. Everyone has an identity. There are differences in how aware, and how much understanding, each person has of their individual identity.

But identity is part of God’s design. Scripture says, to quote Stephen Covey, all things are created twice. Meaning something is first created in a person’s heart. Then, it is created in the world. So, our identity is part of the structure for this creative process. If you are going to make pizza, the list of ingredients, and the process of making pizza go through your heart processes. If a person has assumed “being kind of clumsy” as part of their identity, they may say “I can’t make pizza, because I am not able to roll out the crust. Better choose something else.”

Everything a person experiences are included in this self-picture. Different experiences impact the picture differently. Some reinforce parts of the picture. Some totally upset the picture. People have similar experiences. Most people go to school. Most people go to school for the first time. One could assume they would have a similar effect on people. I have a friend who is an airline pilot. This is a skill that has a unique process of learning. There are similarities with driving a car, but not quite. There are problems that do not occur anywhere else. There is a method of problem solving that does not occur anywhere else. I have discovered from talking with my friend, that pilots do not look at the weather the same way other people do.

Families are one of the fundamental places that identity formation takes place. Imagine you are six years old, and have just done the “most dumbest” thing you have ever done. It was the “most dumbest” thing you will ever do, in your entire life! And, of course, you father comes to talk to you about it.

Your father could say: “That was really dumb! You need to learn to think things through a little more carefully. Just don’t do anything like that anymore.” How does this add to your picture? You made a mistake. You need to learn, so that you can grow, improve, and do better. You are becoming a better person.

Or your father could say: “You are really dumb!” How does this add to your picture? You can’t learn. You can’t grow. You can’t improve. You will never be a better person. Why even try?

One important thing to realize: there are some really bad fathers in the world, who do not have a heart for their children. However, most fathers do have a heart for their children. So, if your father said “You are”, most likely, he meant, “That was”, and it didn’t make it out of his mouth correctly. He made a mistake.

Another important thing to realize: Yes, our experiences affect our identity. But we need to agree with it. If your father said “You are”, you do not have to agree with it. You can say, “No, I’m not. Yes, I made a mistake. But I will grow. I will become wiser. I will become a better person. And I won’t do anything like that again.”

Now, imagine once again, you are six years old. You are the youngest of six children. And you have just completed the volcano science project for school. (A person makes a model volcano, usually out of clay. Then, the person adds a combination of chemicals to the “volcano,” that react, and cause the model to look like a real volcano.) You take you finished project to your father, to show and explain it to him. Unbeknownst to you, all your brothers and sisters also did the volcano science project. And when your father did the volcano science project, he got an A+++. So, he could say, “You should have painted your model this color.” Or “You should use these chemicals, instead of these chemicals.” But, what he does say, as you explain the project to him, is: “Wow! That’s amazing!”

Any experience can add positively, or negatively, to our identity. We can choose to receive the input. We can also realize that we give input. And we can choose what kind of input that will be.

The enemy also sends messages. The enemy wants to detract from God’s glory. Meaning: He wants to make God look bad. And, since he is in a war with God, and he knows he is going to lose, he is miserable. So, he wants to make everyone else miserable too. Every message he sends is meant to either make God look bad, or make people miserable. He will always say to people: “Do this dumb thing.” Then he will say: “You are dumb.”

God sends messages too. He designed people. He designed an optimal way of living. Optimal living is: (1) having a relationship with God, (2) a particular lifestyle, and (3) a particular identity. The closer life is to optimum, the better God looks, and the less misery people experience.

In subsequent posts, I want to look at a few of the Father’s messages in particular.