Out of the Flood Came the Rainbow

Every once in a while, a memory floats up out of the past, and I get ambushed by a failure. Sometimes, it is something that happened 30 years ago, and I didn’t realize that anything was wrong until 10 years ago. Or last year. Or last week.

The usual result of such a memory is a wave of depression, emptiness, and lack. Because of the consequences of my actions, or inactions, I view myself as a failure, and not having much worth.

I don’t know if you have ever noticed, but a person, who sees himself negatively, begins a wave of negative momentum. Any effort focused through a lens of “I’m a failure. I can’t do it.” will not succeed. Any “project” that is worth anything has set backs. Negative focus saps a person’s resiliency, which is needed to overcome those setbacks.

Some time ago, I posted about a shift that happens in a person’s spirit when he gives thanks.

Thankfulness is an agreement that something is good. Thankfulness to God is an agreement that something God did, is good. The word in the original language has roots in both “grace” and “joy.” Being thankful receives grace, which activates joy.

Recently, I experienced one of those memories from the murky depths. Negativity began to cloud my vision. Self-recriminations. Blame games. Just quit!

I took a walk, and began to look for something — anything — to be thankful for.

I began to think about the brokenness of the world, and how I was a part of that brokenness. It’s a wonder anything goes right, that there is any light at all. And it seems to be getting darker. The only reason I have any hope at all is because Jesus loves me, and died for me.

And then, I realized — Jesus knew at the foundation of the world, that I was broken, and he went to the cross for me. He knew I wasn’t going to be perfect. He knew I was going to fail again, and again. And he went to the cross.

Father created the world to be whole. People chose brokenness. So, Father adjusted the plan. He invited broken failures to be his children. He knew they were broken. He knew they were never going to be whole — until glorified in heaven. But he chose them anyway. And he hinges the whole plan on his broken children.

Followers of Jesus often feel they need to through a period of restoration before they can properly represent Jesus. But that’s not the case. Father made the broken his agents, his ambassadors, his priests, and his family. We don’t become these things after a period of purification, and training. We are these things when we give allegiance to Jesus.

We will continue to grow, and become more whole. And we will represent him better. But Father knew you, weakness, warts, and all. And invited you into his family, made you his agent, his priest, and his ambassador now.

He knew the failure you were then. He knows the failure you are now. He knows the failure you will be. And he chooses you, To proclaim him. To show him. To invite him into you life, and the situations around you. To love people for him.

Thank you Father, that you knew I was broken, that I was going to continue to fail, and you chose to die for me reguardless.